'Awesome Elementary' Scene 1

Since the only ones who really read my blog are my me and my mom, I decided to publish one of my more mature themed scripts. It is a witty drama that emphasizes conversational humour and fringe characters with social intolerance. I am just kidding, it's a porn script that's based at an elementary school with dwarfs playing children who fuck and child actors playing the 'extras' who also attend Awesome Elementary. I think the thing that surprised me about writing a porn script, is how easy it is. Enjoy Scene 1.

SCENE 1
Ms. Murphy- Grade 3 teacher
Johnathon- A midget playing an 8 year old
Children- 15 child actors playing children

(Ms. Murphy's Grade 3 Class)
(Ms. Murphy is dressed like a ho and teaching her 8 year old's Geography.)

Ms. Murphy: "So you see kids, Africa is the poorest continent in the world over saturated with inequality and AIDS. Are there any questions?"

(Ms. Murphy is sitting on her desk in a miniskirt with her legs crossed, and tits all poppin out)

Johnathon: "Yeah I got a question, How do ya get AIDS, I know what it is but how do you get it?"

(Ms. Murphy is now rubbin one out with one hand anticipating a good ol' midget scene, and ripping her blouse open with the other)

Ms. Murphy: "Geez Johnnie, I'm all talked out. Why don't you come up here and I'll show you."

(Now Ms. Murphy is nearly naked somehow, and quite hornyish. The kids are confused, no acting needed)

Johnathon: "Yeah show papa those boobies. You know what I want."

(Now that Ms. Murphy is naked it is clear she has 3 rose tattoos on her chest and back. She also has a 'Playboy Bunny' tattooed right above her vagee, also her pubic hair is shaved like an arrow pointing down. The child actors are delirious by now, some running off-set. The midget starts walking to the teacher, his wiener hanging out his fly.)

Ms. Murphy: "Oh god lets pork."

(Apparently Johnathon already knew how to get AIDS but used a cunning ruse to trick her into fudging, she put up a good fight. Not. They bone for like 95 min in all your standard porno positions. It ends with him busting on her knee, he WAS trying for the mouth...)


END SCENE

The New Black

They say that within 20 years, caucasians will be the visible minority in Canada. Personally I know a lot of closet 'crackers' who hear that and really start to panic. Me though, I'm super excited, I am finally going to be a minority! That is so gangster!

So for all you pasty white assholes who are getting ready to move to Arizona because of Canada's immigration policies, I have a list of reasons why you should stay here and tough it out when that day comes...

(in no particular order)

1) You will have an accent, chicks love exotic dudes with accents.

2) You might finally be able to land that job on the CBC.

3) You can write bullshit rap and make a butt-load of cash.

4) Your street cred is gonna jump like 400%. The majority of women are always gonna think "Is that cracker gonna rape me or steal my purse?"

5) At least 3 times a day, someone will assume you are a tourist. Have some fun, go with it.

6) You will form a new, more engaged relationship with your local law enforcement.

7) You will finally be able to understand your cab driver and convenience store clerk. A conversation might go like this:

(Jim) " Hey where do you wanna go"

(Frank) "To the Liquor store, and then my baby's mama's"

8) The Men's National Basketball team and Soccer Canada will drastically improve.

9) Asians, Blacks and East Indians will finally all have representation in the Conservative Party.

10) I can finally put spinners on my car and not feel gay.

WORD UP Y'ALL