I fudging hate Dana White, if you don’t know who that is you’re lying. He’s that smut peddling cue ball who brought your kids and probably you, your favourite crap ever, UFC fighting. It’s that lame excuse for testosterone that takes place in the octagon of homosexuality where dudes in booty shorts role around in bodily fluids trying to apply leg locks, super weak and sort of erotic. Sometimes they punch each other in the nose for a bit and every douche bag in the stands goes wild and they all cheer, and someone told me THAT is what MMA is all about. Hmm, “So why don’t you just watch boxing or Cspan then“, I ask him. He’s about to answer the question but changes his train of thought suddenly and shouts “Oh shit, George St. Pierre has him in the male missionary leg lock!” This my friends is what is wrong with our society, our insatiable thirst for violence and the even scarier trend, dudes in booty shorts.
Fuck it, let’s bring it back. Coliseums full of rowdy drunk commoners needing to see blood and victory, swords and limbs hacked off in piles by the lions. That’s who we are and we love it. My bold statement is this, If we brought back gladiator fighting to the death, for all the masses to salivate over, we would not feel the need to kill each other in alleys or on battlefields and we sure as shit wouldn’t need to keep watching that pay-per-vomit UFC junk. Check it out, we get death-row inmates to “voluntarily” sign up for a training program loosely based on the one Russell Crow does in ‘Gladiator’ and we make them fight to the death once a month in Vegas or Detroit. All the weapons available two thousand years ago would be available to our trained rapists and murders (and by ‘our’ I mean, our American friends who would feed it to us through Global or CityTV) and we would surely line the outskirts of the fight with ravenous lions! That would satisfy the race fans who just watch to see accidents, the people who watch ‘Jackass’ movies, WWE fans, so basically every R-tard with a remote who hasn’t read a book since Andre the Giant was the champ. Not only that, murderers and rapists know from the start ‘hey if I rape and kill this chick, that 300 pound black dude from the Green Mile is gonna stick a sword into my stomach in front of 20,000 people at Joe Louis Arena’.
We have come along way since the Romans ruled the known world, Politicians were crooked and slutty, conquest and war was frequent and incomprehensible, there were few rich and many poor… Well maybe we haven’t come that far. I know for sure we need violence to entertain us just like then because as humans, we know nothing else. Competition is out shtick and the strong always survive longer, so we turn our intermittent attention spans to organized violence like UFC or Afghanistan to keep our primal passion civil. See to me, the global conflicts, the rape, gang killing, and GSP fights can all stop because nothing says unified in glory for the future like a good old fashioned disembowelment in front of the children.
